I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sex in a hospital.. check
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
