he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
