i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
