at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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