She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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