He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
