Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
