The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
