Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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