Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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