Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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