If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are all done wearing pants today
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
