I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
