Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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