Define "chronic" masturbator.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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