Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
