i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
