he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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