Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
