is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
