Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
