Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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