I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
