South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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