I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
