Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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