Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have feelings that need drinking.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
