I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
