Swine flu. Run for my life!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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