Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
