I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
