I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
