I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
