What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
