smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to calm my uterus...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
