So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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