i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
