every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
