I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
