SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
