Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
