Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
