I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
