I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
