I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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