Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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