STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
