So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
