Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
