Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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