Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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