oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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