You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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