ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
